Let Down
by MontyTheDog
Summary: Once again, he wondered if the job was really worth it.
1. Chapter 1

He held her close, trying desperately to calm her down. He was terrified, and to hell if she wasn't, too. She didn't show her fear, not really, but this had been the first time she'd ever so much as trembled since they assigned her the cover. But this, this was a reason to panic.

Stroking her hair and whispering nonsense into her ear, he reassured her that there was no way this could happen, even though that was a complete lie and they both knew it. He tried to tell her that they would figure something out, Hetty would figure something out, but they were in too deep. Way too deep.

He knew that the house was littered with bugs and cameras, and his words were so quiet that even the most sensitive microphone couldn't pick his voice up. And, for the first time in nearly four months, he ventured to whisper her own name, not her alias'. "Kensi."

She stared up at him with wide eyes, hair falling out of her clumsy french braid, make-up smearing. She tried to steel herself, to make herself strong. But she couldn't hide the minuscule shivers that wracked her body, threw her off balance.

"It's been three minutes," she whispered, words catching in her throat. "You look, Tyler." His cover name wasn't meant to come off as impersonal, more of a reminder. They were still undercover. This operation was bigger than them, bigger than what could be scrawled on the little white stick waiting on the counter. Backing out was not an option. Still, her voice cracked with apprehension as she stared at him desperately, begging him to take control of the situation, to carry her to shore. "I can't."

Deeks nodded, swallowing past the lump in his throat. He kissed her forehead, lead her to the counter top of the bathroom. When they approached she buried her head into his shoulder, averting her eyes.

"Well?" she asked, raising her eyes just enough to see his expression.

A rush of shock, fear, awe, uncertainty and nerves rendered him momentarily speechless, and it was all he could do to take her into his arms, shelter her. "Positive."

* * *

Their world had closed in around them that night, the realization of what they'd just discovered kicking in, what it meant for the job. Almost immediately after discovering that she was pregnant he took her by the hand, suggesting in a pointed tone that they should change into something comfortable (rid the two of bugs that were possibly picked up during assignment) and go for a walk. He didn't specify where for fear of their suspects following the two, but Kensi caught on quickly. She nodded numbly, let him lead her outside with a gentle, "C'mon, Cassy."

She refrained herself from leaping out of their apartment, away from the sensors and surveillance. As soon as they were outside Kensi's breath caught in her throat, her cries echoing through Deeks' head.

Deeks pulled her firmly against him, allowing his hands to wander to her stomach. She placed hers over his, and in the light of the full moon she looked like a child whose dog had went missing. Tears tracked off of her chin, splattering against the sandy pathway. "He won't- he won't even know us."

Her quivering statement made the tempo of his pulse increase, his throat constricting uncomfortably. "Don't talk like that. Of course he will."

He didn't believe what he'd just told her, and she didn't, either. They both knew the likelihood of one, let alone both of them surviving this was dubious. Extremely so. Nearly impossible.

She looked up at him and tried to find something to latch on to, anything. "What are we going to do?"

"Tell Hetty. Tell Garcia and Vargas. We'll... we'll say we're going to give it up for adoption. The team will take care of it for us. Julia will."

Kensi sniffled, her hand subconsciously finding her stomach. "We're quitting."

That sounded good to Deeks. But, thinking harder, he frowned. "If we both die or just disappear it will be too suspicious. They'll never stop looking for us, Kens. It'll be in danger. We know too much, and this could destroy the Vargas Cartel. They did kill one of our own. That's why SecNav asked you to take it in the first place. We can't walk out." His voice was grim, his persistent tone full of dread.

Kensi's eyes welled with tears. "I don't want this life anymore. I just want our baby."

He kissed her forehead, inhaled her scent. "I want it, too. More than anything."

"There's gotta be something we can do. We'll try to wrap up the case before I have her, right?"

Deeks nodded. Of course they would. Would they be able to pull it off? No. But it was still worth a shot.

* * *

Any day now.

Kensi was growing more and more disconnected by the week. Vargas wrote it off as their decision to give up the baby. After all, nothing was more important then 'La familia,' as he put it. Though they did understand not wanting to bring a child into the world of drugs and violence. So they didn't question the couple's motives.

The op was like poking a lion with a stick; the lion was perfectly content (still posing a threat, but not an imminent one) until you decided to tick it off. In this case the lion was the Vargas Cartel and the one doing the poking was SecNav. The undercurrent of drugs being supplied by the Vargas Cartel had been a steady flow, and it wasn't expected to ease to a stop any time soon. But after a few marines went looking for a hit of coke and found one of the most powerful cartels in the drug war between Mexico and America instead, they overdosed, leaving NCIS with three bodies to attend to and a supplier to find. A makeshift team of NCIS agents and an impromptu SWAT team was quickly conjured, out numbered and without strategy. After two agents took a few to the chest, SecNav demanded Hetty to take action.

Hetty kept delaying assigning an agent, so eventually SecNav did it for her. He chose none other than Kensi Blye, and so the roller coaster began.

Deeks insisted that he join her, and the night that she was given the task of single-handedly gaining the trust of a tight knit, lethal cartel had been the first night they'd had sex. Three months later while they had already fallen into the routine of their cover, they unknowingly conceived a child. And here they were.

If this was any other cover Deeks might have had hope that they would make it through the job. But, considering the circumstances, this case would likely end with an orphaned baby, two agents dead, and coworkers left to mourn. The first reason this case was unlike any other was because Kensi's ex-fiancé, Jack, had apparently buddied up with some guys from the cartel. Kensi had avoided him so far, but in such an exclusive and small cartel it was unlikely they could steer clear of him for as long as the needed to to procure the success of the mission. And, number two, this task was extremely long term. They had to stay on assignment until the team raided the cartel at a weapons deal scheduled for eighteen months down the road, and their aliases were bound to wear down before then. Something was going to slip, and Vargas and Garcia were the type of people that would shoot them both right on the spot, regardless if Kensi had a baby in utero or not.

So a plan for their child had been formulated. Kensi would have him (yes, they'd figured out it was a boy for the 'adoption papers'), Hetty would be undercover as an adoption agent, and after the boy was born he would go with her. From there, he would be put in a witness protection program and, after everything was said and done, Julia could adopt him if she was up to it (and thank God Kensi could depend on the fact that she would be willing to look after him).

He was lying in bed watching Kensi breathe, her stomach a rounded bump in the darkness. He hoped that he wasn't disturbing her and laid one hand on her abdomen, smoothed the wrinkles that her forehead made when she frowned in her sleep with the other. A small kick radiated from underneath his palm, but he couldn't allow himself to smile. It broke his heart.

Suddenly Kensi grasped at her midsection, shooting up from her sleep abruptly.

He placed his fingers on her shoulder blade, concern pulsating through his body. "What? What is it, Kensi?"

"The baby."

* * *

Seventeen hours later, he heard him cry. It was possibly the most beautiful sound in the world.

And then the doctors cleaned him off and handed him to Kensi. Matching heads full of dark hair, matching hospital attire. The two people he would give his life for without a moment's consideration together.

Despite the slight trembling of her arms she looked like a pro, a natural born mother. Mother and son, the team of all teams.

After about an hour Kensi glanced at Deeks, one of the first times she'd torn her eyes away from her son. She half smiled, watched as the boy gnawed on his fists. "You want to feed him?"

He'd been eager to hold the baby but hadn't wanted to be pushy, and he nodded quickly. He was half afraid he'd drop the kid, but his yearning to cradle his son eventually won over his insecurities. After a quick bottle and a few pats to the back, lo and behold, the baby was fast asleep.

"Do we-" Kensi stopped, tried to make her voice stop cracking. "We get to name him, right?"

Deeks nodded, staring down at his little boy. "Any ideas?"

"Martin?" she asked, completely serious.

He shook his head incredulously. "Flattering but the last thing this world needs is an MJ running around."

Kensi rolled her eyes, seemingly too drained to expostulate. "I don't know. Throw off a few names?"

"Alfonso, Beauford, Demante. Oooo, I know. Romeo. Let's set him up to be a player from the beginning."

She laughed slightly, but it didn't light her eyes. "Something normal."

"Aren't we the exact opposite?"

Her eyes never wavered from their son, like he was wearing a name tag somewhere and they just had to find it. Like she was trying to inscribe every single one of his features straight into her memory. "He needs something to tone down the crazy."

Deeks watched the easy rise and fall of their child's chest, played with his blanketed toes. "Caleb? Nick?"

"No... I don't know. Keep going."

"John? Jacob?"

"If you add Jingleheimer Schmidt, so help me..."

"Wasn't planning to," he said, amused. He wondered if his eyes were as dull as hers when he smiled. "But that would've been good."

The nurse walked in, and Deeks instinctively clutched the baby closer to his chest. He could see the fear in Kensi's eyes as well, the idea that it was time to give away their son inconceivable. Luckily, the nurse quickly smiled. "Take your time, you two. The agent is running a little late-" _Thank you, Hetty_ "-and I was just going to see what you wanted me to put on the birth certificate."

Deeks looked at the baby, then at Kensi, before finally making eye contact with the medic. "Five minutes?"

After she had left, Deeks looked at Kensi. "Andrew, Conner, Cody? Joshua, Chris, Logan? Alex, Dylan, Kyle-"

"Alex," Kensi interrupted, thoughtful. "What do you think? Alexander. Alex."

Deeks smiled. "I like it. A lot. Alexander Logan Blye-Deeks."

"Just Deeks. Blye-Deeks is a mouthful."

"You sure?"

Kensi nodded. "Yeah."

"Okay."

"Okay."

The only sound for a while was Alex breathing in and out, his eyes squeezed shut. When Deeks looked at Kensi she was biting her lip, eyes locked on the baby. Though the room was cleared of possible surveillance, her voice was a whisper. "There's got to be something else we can do."

Deeks didn't answer.

"How does everybody just expect me to hand him over so he can be raised by some other people? What if they go after him after they kill us?"

It was weird talking about their death, unnerving. Even without Jack breaking their cover, it was wearing thinner and easier to break. Sooner than later Garcia and Vargas were going to bust through the flimsy exterior of their aliases.

"Hetty won't let that happen."

Kensi's eyes were welling with tears, her bottom lip quivering. "How can you be so sure?"

Once again, Deeks stayed silent.

* * *

When the nurse came in again nearly three hours later (apparently the adoption agent was running _very _late), Kensi was holding Alex. She almost instantaneously started to cry when she saw the practitioner, and she clutched the little boy tighter, refusing to let go. "No," she sobbed when Deeks held out his hands reluctantly so he could deliver the baby downstairs. "Please, don't make me do this."

A lump formed in Deeks' throat as he watched Kensi plead to let her keep him, like he really had a say in the matter. When she finally kissed the now fussy baby's forehead and handed him over, she begged for him back before they had exited the room.

He turned around, seriously thought about simply holding on to Alex and demanding that they work out a different arrangement with Hetty, but the nurse asked him half desperately, "I know this is hard but the agent is waiting. Follow me please?"

His feet moved towards the elevator, but his heart stayed with Kensi, the woman who had begged them not to take away her child.

Hetty was waiting for him, and he politely asked the nurse for a minute alone. Deeks hardly even glanced at the small woman across from him, gaze trained on Alex. "Tell him about us, okay?" he asked of her, and even though he couldn't see it, Hetty nodded.

"Of course, Mr. Deeks."

After a few minutes he felt tears on his cheeks, and with a quiet sniffle he whispered, "Daddy loves you, buddy. Mommy, too."

Before he could double think it he handed the kid over, turning away quickly and rubbing a hand down his face. He sprinted outside, needing the fresh air. When Hetty left with their son he stood there and watched them disappear into the parking lot, wondering if he would feel the emptiness that he did at that moment for the rest of his life, however short it may be.

* * *

**Continue? Ditch?  
And sorry for the confusion! FF . net can be a bitch! See, what happened was that I had written two different versions, and somehow they got combined and a good portion of the explanation as to why they were undercover and how Jack fit into the story to begin with had gotten deleted. Now it's fixed though! Sorry again, super embarrassed!  
XOXO-  
Cierra! THANK YOU MADDIE!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ah sorry for the confusion! If you didn't see my last a/n, I'll basically repeat what I wrote beforehand: FF . net spazzed out and deleted half of what I had written previously! I thought I had rewrote it all, but a few key aspects were missing. Bleh. So I fixed them, if you guys don't want to be extremely confused for the rest of the story. The changes happen mostly after the second story break, or twenty four paragraphs down (knowing me I probably counted wrong, but somewhere around there!). Sorry again for the confusion.  
The feedback was abdolutely amazing. I LOVE YOU ALL!  
You should check out Maddie's brilliant ****stories, pen name NCISLAlover24!**

**XOXO-  
Cierra**

* * *

Kensi was standing in front of the mirror, hand on her stomach. Combined with the fact that her hormones were out of whack and that her child had unwillingly been taken from her, she'd been a mess of emotions since they'd returned from the hospital. But then again, who wouldn't be?

Her voice was a monotone, her eyes lifeless. "It's been six weeks."

She stood, looked at her reflection from a side angle, stared at her now relatively flat stomach. "It's like I never even had him."

Deeks swallowed thickly, placed his arms around her abdomen and pulled her close to him from behind, kissing her neck. She was hurting; he was too. But for the first time in their partnership, they couldn't help each other. They could only relate.

Kensi tugged away from him, not turning around to see the hurt that etched into his features as a response to her actions. "We're going to be late."

"Cassy..." It was the best he could do at the time being. He wanted to say her name, but they both knew he couldn't. He probably would've been better off staying silent. Bringing aliases into something like this made it seem like they were acting out a bad soap opera when in reality what they were facing was completely the opposite. What they were going through was real, painful. And he feared if they didn't get Alex back, the one thing that could make them both complete, they would pull apart from each other. And if they did he was almost positive that the broken bonds would be unmendable.

She ignored him, heading to the door. He caught her hand suddenly, turned her around so that she was facing him. "You know that I love you, right?"

Kensi dropped her gaze, found a spot on the floor. Deeks lifted her jaw with his hand, initiating eye contact that couldn't easily be broken. "Hey, I love you."

She nodded, and for the first time in nearly two months she hugged him. And he hugged back, afraid that if he let go he would lose her.

"We good?" he asked, inhaling her scent.

"We're good."

"Okay."

"Okay."

* * *

His gut had pulled him out of his sleep, telling him that something was off. His instincts had been spot on; Kensi was sweating, the type that was accompanied with nightmares. She was whimpering, a sound that tugged at his heart, made his blood run cold.

"Cas-" he murmured, tapping her shoulder gently. "C'mon, Cassy..."

Kensi woke up with a start, a strangled cry escaping from her mouth. "De-"

He quickly covered her mouth with his hand knowing that she was about to say his name, something that could blow their covers instantaneously.

She seemed to catch herself as well, her eyes widening slightly at the prospect of what she'd almost let slip. But her initial recovery from nearly blowing their operation was replaced with the remnants of a nightmare, one that must have horrified her. Her eyes glazed over, her speech slurred.

"I... I need to, um... I'll be back."

Now he was the one catching himself, making sure he didn't say her real name. "Cassy..."

"Just give me a few, okay?"

He watched her change, pull her hair into a pony tail. He didn't ask where she was going; he knew wherever it was she sure as hell didn't want cartel members following her. But, he decided, head space, especially when there was no telling what was going on inside of that space, wasn't what she needed. "Want some company?"

She shook her head no, throwing on one of his t-shirts.

"Can I go anyways?"

She didn't answer, and he shrugged. "I didn't hear a no."

* * *

Three hours and one burn phone (that Kensi had bought before the case was assigned) later, Kensi and Deeks sat at the bank of a camera-free ocean, his arm around her waist.

"Nobody followed?" Kensi asked, needing the confirmation.

"Nope." He watched her fiddle with the phone, obviously wondering if this one phone call was worth potentially blowing their cover. She must have decided it was and flipped it open, dialing a number she knew by heart.

Despite the fact that it was nearing three AM, the phone only rang twice before a familiar voice answered, "Henrietta Lange speaking."

"Hetty," Kensi said, relief flooding over her features. Deeks was glad that she had picked up too, but then again it _was_ Hetty, and when was Hetty not available?

"Ms. Blye," she replied, only a hint of surprise coloring her tone. She didn't sound angry that they were obviously endangering themselves by calling; instead she simply asked, "How can I be of assistance?"

"I can't take it any longer," Kensi admitted, her words dripping with desperation. "Is he okay? Please, just let me know that he's okay."

"Alex is fine," Hetty assured, and Deeks felt Kensi relax in his arms. He too felt as though a weight had been lifted from his chest, and he gave Kensi a tiny squeeze, holding her close.

"You've been keeping tabs on him?"

"Of course."

The line was quiet for a moment, and Kensi was obviously debating on asking Hetty something. Finally she opened her mouth, hesitant. "What does he look like?"

Deeks leaned closer to the line, listened as Hetty described his son to him. "Well, he's most definitely the cutest three and a half month old I have ever had the pleasure of seeing," she started, and Kensi half laughed. Deeks had expected as much; he was, after all, Kensi's son. "Imagine a younger Deeks with brown hair, and there's your son. I don't think that I have ever seen such a vivid shade of blue until I saw Alex's eyes."

Kensi tried to swallow past a lump, voice nearly cracking when she spoke. "Anything else you can tell me about him?"

"He can roll over now, and according to his last check-up he's perfectly healthy. Fourteen pounds, two ounces. Twenty five inches."

Deeks placed his chin on Kensi's shoulder blade, watched a whirlwind of emotions cloud her features. "How many different foster homes?" she asked, obviously dreading the answer.

"Nine."

Her breath caught momentarily, and he felt his heart stop for a split second. _ Nine homes in barely over three months?_

"It's for his safety and the people who are watching over him. Only two more weeks left if everything goes according to schedule, then he'll live with your mother who has agreed to gain full custody of him."

"And she's guaranteed to get the custody?"

"If I have anything to do with it."

Deeks still felt a little faint at the information that his son had to jump from place to place, staying hardly over a week at a time. He understood that if the child were to stay with Hetty the cartel (who was undoubtedly keeping an eye on Alex) would realize they worked for NCIS, and if they checked up on Julia were Alex to stay with her it would lead them straight to Kensi. They were, in short, in the midst of an extremely shitty situation. And as much as he hated it whatever it took to keep his son and his partner safe, he would go through with it.

The only sound for a while was the crashing of waves in the background, and Hetty was the person to break the silence. "You think that even for a second your cover has been blown, call me. Don't hesitate."

Kensi seemed considerably less distraught, the information about her son and the fact that he was relatively okay seeming to have calmed her. "We will. Thank you, Hetty."

"Goodbye, you two. Please take care of yourselves."

_No promises. _"We'll try."

As soon as the line went dead Kensi chucked the phone into the sea and grabbed Deeks' hand in hers. "Want to go for a walk?"

He raised an eyebrow. "At three o'clock in the morning?"

"Absolutely."


	3. Chapter 3

They had a chance.

All they had to do was make it through that day, then the following would be the weapons deal. Their covers hadn't been blown.

He caught her by the hand when they were about to leave and kissed her until she was breathless, and when they pulled away she was smiling. It had been the first time she had really smiled since she'd heard that Alex was okay. They could return home to him.

But as soon as he walked into the headquarters of the cartel he could sense something was wrong almost immediately. People cast them sideways glances, smiled at them like they knew a juicy secret about the two.

Deeks brought an arm around Kensi and pulled her close to him, not just because Tyler was the overbearing type. He needed to know that she was within arms reach, needed to keep her away from their leers.

They were about to enter the office that they shared with Garcia and Vargas, but the two men were already waiting for them outside the door, matching smirks on their faces.

"Cassandra, Tyler," they greeted, and Deeks nodded in acknowledgement. They opened the door wider, gesturing them inside. "Come, we have a man here who claims to be your old friend."

That didn't sound good.

He could feel Kensi tense in his arms, but other than that she showed no other signs of recognition or feelings towards the man they had tied against a chair, face swollen and bloody.

"You say this woman was your ex-fiancé Kensi Blye?"

The man who Deeks inferred was Jack nodded pitifully, staring up at Kensi with wild eyes. He tried to talk, and when he opened his mouth blood poured out instead of words.

"He must have me mistaken with somebody else..."

Vargas shook his head, smile still plastered on his face. Garcia nonchalantly locked the door. "See, I don't think that's the case. As soon as he saw a picture of you that we had of the four of us together he pointed you out. And how can somebody mistake you for another girl? Your eyes. Your cheek bones."

He approached Kensi, stretched out a hand like he was going to caress her. Deeks all but growled, stepped in front of her.

Garcia chuckled, patted his shoulder. Deeks flinched as if his hand was scalding hot. "Relax, chico. Can we not just talk in a- how you say- civilized manner? Now I'm sure you have a great explanation for all of this, but just to make sure..."

Vargas grabbed Kensi from behind Deeks, and she let out an indignant, "Hey!"

"You say anything we think is a lie, you get to watch her suffer."

Kensi squirmed under the man's grasp, trying halfheartedly to get away. It was only when Deeks made eye contact with her and nodded once that they both started to really fight, managing to escape from the room and get a pretty good running start out of the building before being snatched by some other men, and at that point that were badly outnumbered, any attempt at escape moot.

He didn't stop fighting until a needle came into contact with his neck and his world faded to black.

* * *

His vision came in short bursts. From what he could tell he was in a dark room against a stone wall, and Kensi was across from him. She seemed to be unconscious (he didn't venture to consider the alternative as to why she was motionless with her eyes closed), and the only injury he could see in the light was blood dribbling off of her chin, pooling by her side.

He did a quick assessment to see if he was hurt, and despite a killer headache and nausea from hell he seemed to be okay. After a while he ventured to whisper Kensi's name (there was no way Kensi's cover was still intact now that they had her real name, or his for that matter). She didn't wake or acknowledge his presence, and Deeks' heart sped up, his mind automatically flashing to the worst.

A man who he'd only seen in pictures entered the room and smiled. Everything was illuminated in the dim room with light from outside, and Deeks' head pounded against the sunlight. "She's alive." Deeks didn't know if he believed the man or not, but he wanted to. "For how long depends completely on your cooperation."

"Anything," Deeks answered automatically. They knew that the two of them had a child together and were partners, so there was no use showing no emotions towards her. He would tell them what they wanted to know (or a variation of what they wanted to know) if it meant that Kensi got out alive. "What do you want to know?"

"Please, not so eager. Let us tell you what you have at stake, yes? Your beautiful partner for one-" He refrained from cursing at the use of the word 'partner'. Their covers were definitely blown. "-and your son. As you've probably already guessed, we've been keeping an eye on him for you."

Deeks' hands curled into fists, and he fought against the restraints. Zip ties, he noted.

"One phone call, give or take thirty minutes, and your little family is gone."

"What do you want?" he asked again, furious. He hated how defenseless he felt. His instincts were to be the protector, but in the position he was in he couldn't, and it sucked.

The man asked stupid questions at first, questions that he already knew the answer to. _Is it safe to make the weapons deal?_ Obviously not. Then he started asking about other operatives; if there were any that were close to him from other agencies, which there were. But, as much as it pained Deeks, he couldn't compromise the lives of other cops and agents. So he bullshitted an answer and hoped for the best.

And the man, the leader of the cartel named Valentino Gonzalez, didn't believe a word he said. So he started the torture.

First it was just Deeks. He could handle what was inflicted on him. The scalpels that dug into his back, the hooks that tore away chunks of his skin, the endless punches, even the lighters- as long as they didn't touch Kensi, he was okay.

They soon realized that they were getting nowhere with Deeks and moved on to a barely coherent Kensi, and Deeks bit into the inside of his lip until he tasted something metallic on his tongue. They used acid and serums and tasers, drugs and knifes. A more clinical approach.

Deeks felt his eyes dampen as he watched Kensi fight against the pain, try to keep fighting. He made eye contact with her, cried out her name. She looked away from him.

She didn't scream. In fact, the only time she so much as winced was when they brought up Alex, told her what they were planning to do to him.

It was when they brought a pint of some awful looking chemical out, prepared to pour it down the back of Kensi's shirt, that he screamed, "Stop!" His heart raced, his mind spun. "Okay. I know of one agent with the LAPD. His name is-"

"Deeks!" Kensi interrupted, her voice slurring but unyielding, eyes unfocused daggers. "Don't."

He ignored her, spoke directly to the man. "I'll tell you anything. Just let her go."

Two other men that had assisted in the torture stepped away from Kensi, put down the bubbling liquid.

The leader nodded towards the larger of the two guys, and within a split second Kensi was knocked upside the head, body crumpling against the chair to which she was bound.

Deeks' breath caught in his throat, head swam. "What the hell?!" he demanded, staring at his partner, the mother of his son, lifeless and limp.

"She feels nothing now," one of the men supplied, shrugging.

He gritted his teeth, focused on the zip ties. If only he could get out of those damned restraints...

"Let her go. Let her go and I'll tell you everything."

"How much is everything?" the leader inquired, raising an eyebrow and lighting a cigar right on the spot.

"A lot. Enough to make your cartel a treasure among the drug wars."

"I'm listening."

"I'm not talking," Deeks persisted, looking again at Kensi's form, swallowing past a lump in his throat, "Until she's returned to her people and you leave my son alone."

The three men looked at each other, shared a nod. Spoke with something unvocalized, a language foreign to Deeks.

And then they sneered.

Deeks knew it had been a long shot, knew that the men were smart enough to realize that without Kensi as leverage Deeks wouldn't talk.

"Or we can result to more _psychological-_ shall we say- methods. Permanent. Something she'll never recover from."

A ball formed in Deeks' throat, choking. Tight. He could hardly breathe.

He knew what they were planing. Surprised they hadn't resulted to it sooner.

He panicked. "Please. Please, no. I'll tell you anything."

The two sidekicks approached Kensi, help up her rag doll body, shook her like they were showing off a trophy. Their hands wandered, and Deeks cursed.

"Names. Okay. There's this one guy... Um, Lopez. I don't know his cover name. I don't know if you can find him in the system." He wasn't good at telling lies that he knew were unbelievable, but he was desperate. He couldn't betray the innocent. He couldn't let them hurt Kensi more than they had already.

The men looked at him, laughed. Toyed with Kensi's hair.

"I'm serious. Go check it if you don't believe me. LAPD, Derek Lopez."

He needed time to think. The only thing he could hope for was that they left Kensi and him alone for a few minutes, give him some thinking time.

And, surprisingly, the men glanced at each other before the leader nodded. "We're going to leave you two alone. Not so we can search the bullshit that your feeding us, but so that you two can decide what you want together. Her life and the boy's life, or becoming a traitor." He chuckled, wiped a smudge of Kensi's blood from off of his forehead. "I must say that I don't envy your position right now."

Picking up Kensi's neck with two fingers, he watched it bobble. "You can stop pretending like you're not awake now, bonita."

She didn't open her eyes until they'd left.

"You okay?" she whispered, voice raspy.

Deeks laughed, unbelieving. "_You're_ asking me if _I'm_ okay? Kens, I think between the two of us you're the one who's a little worse for wear. Are _you_ okay?"

"Never better," she answered dryly.

"How long were you out?" he asked, noticing the growing knot on the side of her forehead, evidence of her recent unconsciousness.

"I don't know. Not long." She groaned as she tried to straighten her back, her eyebrows contorting together in pain. "I was hoping you'd think I couldn't hear you guys."

"Why? So I'd think you wouldn't remember what they were going to do to you?" She didn't answer for a while, watched as crimson seeped from her jaw to her thigh. "Don't tell them anything, understand? No matter what. I knew the cautions that this job had when I signed up for it."

"But you didn't have anybody then," he insisted. "Alex needs you. I need you. You didn't have a chance to quit when you found out about him. You have a choice now; let me tell them."

"After you tell them they'll just kill us anyways," Kensi said with a shrug, recoiling when pain shot through her spine at the action. "Don't say anything. They could still be coming for us."

Her faith, unyielding, tore at something in his soul. He didn't have the heart to tell her that the odds of them finding Kensi and Deeks were against them.

He licked his lips, his tongue feeling like sandpaper. Kensi was strong, but looking at her so demolished and broken, Deeks knew that even though she was the definition of bad ass that she couldn't last much longer. And them taking away her dignity, stripping her of her identity during her last hours of life...

"I can't let them."

She didn't ask what he was talking about. She didn't reply period.

"You know I can't."

He could see the shine of tears in her eyes, the sheen of dampness that covered the pools of mismatched shades of tarnished gold, shimmering black. "Deeks..."

"I'd do anything before I let them do that."

"Even give up your friends? Your co-workers? Betray your country?"

He was quiet for a second, pretended to contemplate it before nodding.

She sighed, blinked a word to him in Morse Code. _Stall. _"And no dumb ass moves either."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"Somehow I have trouble believing that," she joked, smiling slightly.

He returned her grin, told her that he loved her.

Her reply was cut off by the sound of gunshots echoing through the hallway.

* * *

**A/n Thanks Maddie for the edit! You guys should check out her brilliant stories, pen name NCISLAlover24!  
Wow. The support has been AMAZING. I love you all. You are all wonderful, perfect human beings.  
Te amo!  
XOXO-  
Cierra**


	4. Chapter 4

"They're dead," Callen stated simply as he nonchalantly strolled into the room, shrugging his shoulders as if the mother of all shoot outs hadn't just occurred outside of the room.

Kensi raised an eyebrow. Or tried to. Her face was so swollen, her eye in particular, that she could hardly twitch a muscle anywhere near the general vicinity of her left iris. "All of them?"

"Well, for the most part."

"Most part?" Deeks asked, shooting Callen an incredulous look.

"Marco Garcia. He saw his brother, Mandy Vargas, get shot and ran. We couldn't track him." Kensi hadn't even realized that those two had been around. They were always the underdogs, the black sheep of the cartel. The fact that the higher-ups had allowed the brothers to tag along surprised her, but she was feeling light headed, deciding not to ask about why'd they been around and saving the effort that it would take for later.

Deeks sighed. _Great._ "Wanna get us out of these zip ties?"

"Ah ah ah, not so eager, Deeks. Ladies first."

Deeks didn't object when Callen untied a feeble Kensi before him, helping her stand up on wobbly legs and hugging her gently, not even glancing down at the blood that smeared his shirt when they embraced. "I heard you had a kid."

"Ah, a little birdy told you?"

G laughed. "Yeah, something like that. It's good to see you. Ops hasn't been the same."

He helped Kensi hobble over to where Deeks was, giving him an extremely gentle squeeze to the shoulder before cutting away his restraints. "Guess it's good to see you, too."

"Ditto."

"Sam?" Kensi questioned, knowing that although G was skilled he wouldn't have been able to take out an army of trained cartel members without some help. Hetty wouldn't have sent him in alone, anyways. She didn't know exactly how many guards had tagged along to the location where they'd been tortured, but she figured some sort of tactical team had joined forces with G and Sam to supply extra back up.

"Cuffing the ones that didn't die after the first shot or surrendered."

Deeks ignored the searing pain that radiated through his body (his foot in particular) every time he so much as breathed and wrapped an arm around Kensi's waist, helping Callen support her. He kissed her forehead, and G squinted in their direction. "So I'm guessing you two are...?"

"We had a kid together, what do you think?"

"Right."

Nearly as soon as they'd exited the building/torture chamber medical personnel crowded the scene, swooping Kensi and Deeks away from each other in a wave of antiseptics and gauze. Deeks' back was dressed, his burns attended to, broken nose bandaged. The most severe injury he had was a third degree burn on his foot that hurt like hell and looked even worse than it felt. After about an hour they prepared a gurney and a helicopter for him, but he insisted on riding with Kensi, wherever she was. Though they told him that there was hardly any room left they escorted him anyways after much badgering on his part, stuffing him between a now unconscious Kensi and two medics.

The doctors told him (or tried to considering the roar of the helicopter was hard to speak over) that she'd received a lot of damage, and that they were particularly worried about what the men had injected into her and the acid burns. Now that they had cleaned off a majority of the blood Deeks could see every tiny cut on her body that they'd left, every mark of pain they'd inflicted upon her. He took in the fang-like marks the tasers had left on her collarbone, the painful looking acid burns that scarred her shoulder and parts of her chest, the burns that littered her skin and her left eye, so swollen that he could hardly see a pixel of the gorgeous hazel and gold pools that colored her iris.

He swallowed thickly, thought back to what they'd done to her. Considered what would've happened if the Vargas Cartel had left him partner-less and Alex motherless. And then his mind ventured to Alex.

He thought about him all of the time, now nearly as much as he thought about Kensi. What was he like? Was his foster family treating him right? Was he in danger? What was it like to hold him? Were his eyes really as blue as Hetty said, and was his hair as soft as Kensi's?

When were they getting him back?

The past year and a half had been a whirlwind of emotions, heartache and sadness, and he'd had to do things he never imagined he'd be required to do including giving away his child, having a child, having a child with Kensi, ect. _Crazy_. He wanted to go home with Kensi, get back Alex, and take a bubble bath with his partner. He wanted to ditch work for a month or two and go do something _normal_ that _normal _people did with their baby sons and their girlfriends. He wanted to walk Monty with Kensi beside him, pushing Alex in one of those three-wheeled stroller things that every soccer mom seemed to have. He wanted to have lazy Sundays sprawled on the couch with Kensi cuddled up beside him, Alex on his chest. He wanted to fall back into his and Kensi's easy banter, laugh at each other and themselves. He wanted to see Kensi walk down an aisle wearing white, smiling like she'd never been happier in her life.

He _ached_ for normalcy. And as soon as he personally killed Garcia, he would have it.

At least that's what he told himself to keep sane. With Kensi half alive across from him, his son God knows where and a crazy man on the loose that more than likely wants to avenge his brother's death, he needed anything he could find to help him remain calm.

As soon as he arrived at the hospital Nell, Hetty, Sam and Eric greeted them, and Deeks knew that they had probably doubted they would see Kensi or Deeks alive again. Their faces were familiar and refreshing, and he greeted them all as enthusiastically as he could, but it was hard to be happy when the love of his life had just been tortured and the life of his son threatened.

The team eventually dozed off one by one after much reuniting and chatting; Nell snuggled next to Eric, Sam fell asleep with his arms crossed on his chest, and Callen rested his head against the wall. Hetty was the only one still awake, and after a while she moved to sit next to Deeks, handing him a fresh coffee. He nodded his thanks and turned distracted eyes back towards the hallway where he'd last seen Kensi wheeled away.

Her lips twitched into a small, wrinkled smile, and she sipped her tea thoughtfully before speaking. "You know, I paired you and Ms. Blye together for a few reasons. She obviously needed a partner, for starters. You were a good cop. Not the best liason-"

"That's an understatement," he interrupted with a little chuckle, downing another huge gulp of his beverage.

"-but, regardless, a good cop," Hetty reminded him, eyebrow raised slightly. "I had a feeling that you two would work together well, but I never imagined this. You two successfully rose above every expectation people set for you and completed an op where your death was almost a guaranteed certainty. You two also managed to have a son and do what was best for him and for the job, something most parents would consider unthinkable."

"We considered it unthinkable too," Deeks said bitterly, remembering how much they'd had to give up for the job. "We just knew that they would come after us one way or another, and if we didn't they would come after him, too."

"You two did the right thing," Hetty agreed, nodding. "And you did it with virtually nothing. That is, except for each other."

Deeks shrugged. "Garcia's still out there. He's probably going to come after us; Alex and Kensi and me."

"I will not let him hurt you guys any more than he already has. Speaking of hurt, you should really get that burn on your foot checked out again. And your back. The shirt we supplied you with has red spots on its back."

"You can take the money out of my check-"

Hetty laughed, shaking her head in disbelief. "I told you in regards to the fact that I was worried about your injuries, not because I wanted you to buy me a new shirt. Oh, Mr. Deeks. Sometimes I just don't know what to do with you."

Deeks grinned as warmly as he could. "Don't worry about me. I'm fine. Or I will be when Kensi gets out of surgery."

"Has anybody ever told you that your selflessness is almost as great of a distinguishing quality as your stubbornness? She'll probably be awhile longer. Here, let me escort you to a nurse."

Deeks resisted the urge to roll his eyes, but the truth was his injuries hurt and burned, and an ice pack or two didn't sound too bad. He winced and inhaled sharply as he stood, placing a hand against the wall to hold him steady when he finally made it to his feet (or foot. He didn't dare put weight on his burnt one). Hetty grasped his waist firmly, helped him remain standing.

"One more thing, Mr. Deeks. Would you like to see a picture of Alex?"

Deeks bit his lip, nodded. Of course he would. He'd only waited four months.

Hetty rummaged in her blazer pocket for a few seconds before extending a creased photo towards Deeks who took it with trembling hands. He stared down at a boy, _his son_, trying to blink back the dampness he felt pricking the back of his eyes. Alex looked just like he did in his baby pictures except with a head full of dark hair, not blond. His eyes looked like a direct reflection of the sky, the type of blue that was hard to glance at without staring. His lips looked like they'd been painted on, his button nose tiny, cheeks chubby.

"Perfect, isn't he?" Hetty commented, watching Deeks' reaction closely.

"Yeah."

"He looks like you."

Deeks gulped, offered returning the photo to Hetty by questioningly nudging it in her direction. She shook her head, tapped the photo once with her index finger. "You keep it."

He nodded his appreciation, folding it carefully on the preexisting crevices before putting it in his pocket.

"What do you say we go and get those wounds cleaned up?"

Again he nodded his head yes, thinking that it had been one hell of a long day, and that he just wanted to gather his family and go home. But he knew that the ride had only just begun.

* * *

**A/n Thanks to NCISLAlover24 for the proof, as always! Te amo, Maddie!  
You guys are so amazing. I wish I could hug every single one of you. The feedback has been overwhelming and so so SO encouraging. I love you all!  
What do you guys want to see happen next?  
XOXO-  
Cierra**


	5. Chapter 5

She's sleeping when she gets out of surgery, and for the first time in a long, long time she looks peaceful.

Because even though Garcia was still out there, for the most part it was over. They could get their son back, they could move on. And he couldn't even begin to describe how relieved he was.

Seeing her fast asleep made him crave rest, but even though he could see that she was relatively okay, he couldn't allow himself to slip into a slumber. Not yet.

For one, though he'd gotten his wounds dressed better than he had after the first swarm of paramedics had tended to him at the scene, his back was still killing him and he doubted he'd be able to lean back in a chair, much less sprawl out on a couch. It also felt weird; all that time waiting for Kensi to get out of surgery and then he was just going to go to sleep within ten minutes of seeing her?

So he didn't close his eyes. He grabbed her hand and observed her wounds, the swelling of her eye and the blistering acid burns on her shoulder. A long, jagged mark that a knife had left on her arm had had to be stitched, and he didn't venture to check out her legs or what was under the sleeves of her hospital gown for fear of what he may find.

He tried to focus on the good and pulled the picture of Alex out again, comparing and contrasting his face to Kensi's. Deeks knew that it was too early to tell who he truly looked like, but it was still a good distractor. And so far he saw a lot more of himself in him then Kensi.

He hoped that he would be a better dad than his own, and he knew he would. But still he worried.

Kids were... tricky. Parenthood was more than just a little complicated. Yet there wasn't a doubt in his mind that he and Kensi would figure it out.

The fabric of his shirt stung his back, and he briefly considered taking it off but decided against it. His thumb absentmindedly stroked the side of her hand as he stared down at her, thinking not for the first or last time that she was the most incredible person he'd ever met in his life.

A nurse checked in on her a few minutes later, insisting on getting Deeks some pain medication after she noticed the way he winced occasionally when he tried to move. Deeks felt as though he should refuse them but between his back and his foot a handful of Tylenol was sounding better and better with each passing second.

The pills she gave him made him sleepier than he already was, and as much as he wanted to stay up with Kensi he just _couldn't._ It had been around thirty straight hours since he'd last slept and Kensi seemed out like a light. So he gingerly stretched out on his stomach on the couch, and despite the pain he was so exhausted he almost immediately fell asleep.

* * *

When she squinted her eyes open the first thing she was aware of even before all of the pain bombarded her was that somebody was holding her hand. And she knew exactly who it was.

Though her eyes weren't completely open, she said his name. "Deeks." The light assaulted her eyes and made her head hammer, but she ignored it. She'd had a hangover that was worse than this before. Nothing she couldn't sleep off later.

She watched as relief seemed to wash over his face, and she took note of his swollen jaw and the knot on his forehead. "Kens, hey sleepy head," he said with a smile, scooting closer to her. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay," she lied, smiling back at him.

"Yeah right."

* * *

Everything after that was a blur of change and conclusions to chapters of her life she didn't want to return to. Jack was nowhere to be found, Callen had taken out Garcia while Kensi was still being prodded by nurses, and eventually she was released from the hospital.

A week after she returned Kensi lay staring at the ceiling, startled awake by a nightmare. She hadn't screamed out, hoped she hadn't disturbed Deeks by thrashing. She knew he was having a hard time sleeping as well, and whatever rest they could get was greatly valued.

Her back was raw, but the pain in her still recovering ribs beat out the pain in her back, forcing her to lie on sensitive and tender skin as opposed to rolling over onto her abdomen. They'd returned from the hospital to find her spare room painted a soft baby blue, furniture already in place. Hetty gave them time off for their injuries- more than necessary, really. Even though Alex was nearing four months, she seemed to be compensating time off for the time Kensi would've (should've) had after she gave birth to her son. And the time she'd given her and Deeks to recuperate was more than she'd expected.

Dark dreams weren't the only things keeping her up. Glancing at a clock, she sees that in just ten hours she would be reunited with Alex. And she was terrified.

With one good glance at Deeks she can tell he's still awake, pretending to dream. Like either of them could actually _sleep. _So when she's absolutely positive he's awake, she speaks. "I'm scared."

He rolls onto his side so he can face her, and she turns her head, unwilling to jostle her aching ribs. "Me too, Kens."

They'd been rewarded a chance to raise Alex, something that seemed inconceivable when they'd been caught in the midst of quite possibly the deadliest mission they'd ever had a part in. But parenthood? Was she ready? Were _they_ ready?

Partners, lovers... parents?

"We'll figure it out," he tells her, not an ounce of doubt in his tone.

"I hope we will."

"I know we will."

* * *

And not half a day later, she watches as he cradles their son, protective. She stands, her legs unmoving, petrified.

"Hi, buddy," he murmurs, awed. And then slightly louder, "Kensi, he's perfect."

She's abruptly pulled out of her reverie and approaching her family, limbs shaking. "I... Can I..." She can't finish the question, her voice catching in her throat as her eyes lock on the little boy.

Albeit reluctantly he hands the cooing baby to Kensi, and she wills her arms to steady. For a second she's stiff, arms rigid, at loss as to how to hold a baby. And then seemingly magically something clicks and her arms tighten, one hand finding his soft head of hair, other supporting his bottom as she clutches him against her chest.

"Deeks," she all but cries out, sobbing against her baby's head. The side of her chin is nuzzled against the skin directly above his ear, and his fists rest on her heart, twitching against the fabric.

An arm snakes around her waist, and he kisses her forehead, lips falling to her ear. "You're doing so good, Kens." His voice is thick, his limb slightly trembling against her abdomen. "I love you so much."

She sniffles, not even bothering to care how many emotions she was displaying. "I love you, too."

* * *

He's tottering around now, chubby legs carrying him virtually _everywhere_, which frankly scares the hell out of Kensi. Especially when he decides to sneak a venture up stairs.

Granted, they did spoil him a little. Well, mostly the team did. And they _were_ just a _tad _overprotective. But after everything they'd been through could anybody really blame them?

It's really nice outside. Midday, not overly hot, breezy. Good beach walking weather. And just as Deeks had fantasized about in the hospital, Kensi pushes Alex in one of those three-wheeled stroller things, and he tightens his grip on Monty's leash as he walks beside her. He watches Kensi laugh at a joke he tells her, eyes twinkling with humor. Seeing her white teeth sparkle, the corners of her pretty lips upturned, is what prompts him to fish around in his pocket for something that he'd been holding onto for months.

As soon as he's on one knee her hand flies to her mouth, covering a growing grin. "No way!" she exclaims, laughing.

"Kensi Marie Blye, beautiful, sexy Fern, the peanut butter to my jelly, the ying to my yang, the fruit to my loop-"

"Oh my God, yes!" she interrupts, literally tackling him to the ground. She giggles as he rolls her onto her back, sand now coating the both of them. He holds the ring between the two of them, leveling his eyes with hers over the ring.

"Yes?"

"Yes!"

"Yes!"

They both turn their heads simultaneously to the source of the third yes, and Deeks smiles. "Looks like we've got Alex's approval."

* * *

**A/n Thank you all so much for the support! Special thanks to Maddie aka NCISLAlover24. Check out her stories!  
LOVE YOU GUYS! *hugs*  
XOXO-  
Cierra**


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